10 Years of Shezabubadino

On the 8th of August 2016 I started my streaming journey simply to get help from a friend (Taura) when I was playing Fallout 4. I knew nothing about Twitch at the time and it had scared me when the viewer count grew over 1 because I knew that someone other than my friend was watching and I quickly ended the stream.

Come roughly November, Bungie released the 'Can't Stop The Signal' emblem in Destiny - the game I had been playing religiously since I had bought my first PlayStation (4) and I decided that I wanted it. So I started up my channel with the bravery of playing to an audience of strangers. Little did I know this would change the trajectory of my life.

REFLECTION:

I wanted to use today to reflect on some of my favourite streaming memories, and I wanted to say I am so grateful that Twitch has a clipping system to catch these memories that I can cherish. I still see the games I used to play and people I used to play with and look back with joy, even if the friendships ended on terms that weren't great, because I know those moments were special and I will never forget them.

When I had first started streaming it was apparent that I came from a very sheltered life as people would make comments or I would say things that had innocent intentions that made people laugh. Some people may remember the infamous (deleted) "petting kitty" clip that happened back during my Destiny 1 days. I still feel embarrassment from that.

Upon reflection, and these are a wild guess at the actual statistics, but 80% of the friendships I developed online first started in my Twitch chat, with 5% developing in other streamers chats, and then the remaining 15% coming from people I meet in game. One person that comes to mind is Ole (Haldorhamn), my main mod and best friend of these 10 years. We met in another streamer's chat when he was modding for them and hit it off pretty quick. It led to us playing Destiny whenever we could considering we both live on opposite sides of the world and the friendship blossoming from there.

Speaking of Destiny 1, I was part of a competitive clan called 'Tiers of Osiris' that has a special home in my heart. I formed friendships for the first time that made me really feel like I was somebody and that I was important. While they are more strangers to me now, to Tendy, D, Cesco and Julian: I don't think you realise the impact you had on me back then. You boys felt like brothers and every day I was so excited to race home from school to jump online and play with you. Not only that but you helped me improve at the game (while I still majorly sucked ass at PvP, I made a solid improvement from when I had started) and I will give that credit do you all. I will still remember the quote from Ces "Peregrin Greves Motherfucker". I honestly don't know what would have happened to me had I not have had you lot during this time as I was suffering from depression and loneliness, not knowing that I was autistic and struggling to keep the connections I once had with my peers and not understanding why, I'd hate to think what would have happened if I hadn't gone down this path. So thank-you for the countless weekends of Trials that were played, the raids and the late night PlayStation parties that were full of laughter, rage baiting squeakers and enjoying everything that Destiny had to offer. I cherish it.

Another memory I have was being alone during Uni, and my friend group then. It was small, but included some rather animated characters. It consisted of Julian, Josh, myself and another, and the banter often had me crying of laughter so loudly that I would fear of getting a noise complaint from my neighbours in the student housing I lived in. I still remember the time Josh came to visit my hometown and had to play a horror game for me to react to, because when I played I could barely move without becoming too scared.

There have been more times where I felt close to that sense of belonging I had with the Tiers of Osiris group, and that was around 2021-22ish. The formation of 'The Council'. I don't think I'll ever find a group as tight knit as we had and the amount of memes, laughter, love and understanding that we had was definitely something that was taken for granted. Vixen, Ender, Lily, Maeve, Descendant, Ole, Seb, Con, Finn, Alex, Julian and Taura, the fun times we had will be a core memory of mine. From the Minecraft servers, to the Destiny 2 raids, even the Final Fantasy adventures (minus the end) I will also cherish and look back at every clip with a smile, even if we don't talk anymore.

And then there is the present. My lovely friens, my council, my family. To Maeve, Lilly, Ole, Charlie, Fworbs, Seb, Terra, Con, Prom and Aussie. Thank-you for yapping with me everyday. For playing with me on and off stream and making memories in Destiny, Final Fantasy and more. I hope we continue to grow our friendships and go on more adventures that fresh games have to offer.

It isn't just those who play beside me that make Shezabubadino home, but those who interact with the streams as well. While I would love to name my amazing chatters, I would be beside myself should I miss out on someone so I'm going to stick with not naming viewers, but I want to thank those who have been showing up to every stream and enjoying new worlds with me; even if I have been more quiet and mellow than my younger years. Your participation in chat is so greatly appreciated. It doesn't go unnoticed and I hope that one day I can give back to you too.

SHEZ'S TOP 10 MOMENTS:

1. Council Kings Fall - Con explaining the mechanics

2. Completing my first Day 1 - Deep Stone Crypt

3. Being asked to work with R U OK for Suicide Prevention

4. Day 1 Vault of Glass

5. Finn dying of laughter at naked Urianger meme

6. Rhodur falling off the cliff during our first Abberration playthrough

7. The 'Turkey is Hot' clip

8. Staying up for the first Destiny 2 live event

9. Twitch hosting my channel in 2018

10. Reaching 100 Subs in 2019

WHAT NOW?:

I haven't thought much about what I wanted to do once I reached 10 years of streaming on Twitch. I didn't actually think I'd spend this long streaming, I thought it would be one of those hobbies I'd give up on after a couple years and move on to the next thing.

I have accomplished all I can really do at my current capacity with a 3D model and the release of original songs. At this stage I would like to still work on cover and original music and maybe release an EP in the future, but there will be nothing major to work on.

For now, I want to just find a new game to find home now that Destiny 2 has entered maintainence mode and chill for a bit. I don't have plans for new models or upgrades or so on. I don't have the finances or time for that with my current work and mental wellbeing.

So, let's enjoy this time we have together.

CONCLUSION:

Streaming has been a journey that I will never regret. It has brought me boundless joy and an escape from reality when I needed it most, and I am very grateful for that every single day. From viewers past and present, community members who have come and gone and those who continue to stay: I cannot thank you enough for everything you have done for me. Without you, I'm not even sure I would be here today.

If there are any regrets that have come from my time streaming, it would be the time that I stressed about numbers and trying to strive for Twitch Partner. While I would still love to achieve that some day, it is not something I'm actively trying to achieve anymore. I've come to realise that for me, streaming isn't about getting some fancy checkmark, trying to become famous and have lots of viewers or gain wealth from donations and subscriptions. For me, streaming is about escaping from the depression of reality and finding friendship in people alike, viewers who enjoy me for who I am. That is where I found happiness and that is where I want to stay. Should I ever oneday grow beyond 100 ccv I think I may eventually quit. I want to connect with my viewers, not have a chat that moves so fast.

My original song 'gravity' was intended to be released today as a promise to continue going, an ode to the future. To continue exploring the worlds and stories that others are creating in hopes that something may captivate me much like the universe that Destiny has, but I did release that early to celebrate the life of that universe and how much of an impact that game itself also made on my streaming career. So, if you have the time, please go give that music video a watch for me or the song a listen on streaming services. It would mean a lot.